The author discusses a healing process that she underwent after a diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, which is a disorder of the immune system. She describes how she used imagery to heal on both physical and emotional/spiritual levels.
It was nothing, just a little ‘thing’ I felt under the skin on my thigh. Yet for too long that ‘thing’ just didn’t go away. It remained there, prominent to the touch and very well defined. I decided to check it with my doctor. At first, my doctor said, “You are worrying too much, it is not cancer. It is probably just fatty tissue. You should ignore it,” Deep down inside I knew it was not a cancer tumor. But I also knew it was not “nothing.” After a number of months I insisted on an ultrasound. I am known to be a stickler for getting down to the bottom line of things. I always want to know what is REALLY going on. Knowing that about me, the doctor sent me to have an ultrasound, which showed that, whatever it was, it was not fatty tissue. It was not conclusive and her recommendation was to remove the growth and send it to the pathology lab. The doctor referred me to a surgeon for the removal, and instructed me to forget about it. Most likely it was nothing I tried to tell myself. I knew she only called back if something is wrong….
The phone rang a few weeks later. I was requested to come to the doctor’s office, and no appointment was necessary. I went right away. The doctor sat me down, and told me the news was not good. The result of the pathological test showed the nodule removed was diagnosed as Sarcoidosis. “sarco-what?” I asked. I never heard that term before. The doctor explained that it was an autoimmune disease and then I heard nothing more of what she said. I felt overwhelmed. An autoimmune disease! What does that mean ???
For the next few days I was in a fog. I was very focused on my appointments with the different physicians I was sent to. I was sent to check my eyes, my lungs, and of course my skin. I had a few more nodules removed from my chest and arm. An enzyme level was checked and found too high. The doctors were considering cortisone treatment. On the outside it seemed that I was taking it all in stride. But inside, I felt betrayed by my own body. I kept thinking why on earth did I get an immune disease when I need to take care of three small children. I was too young for crippling diseases. I ruminated on how unfair life was and felt sorry for myself. Then a friend asked what this disorder was…. And I realized I did not know. His question sent me to a full fledged search on the Internet to find out.
From the online Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, I learned that Sarcoidosis was a disorder of the immune system, where “The characteristic histopathologic findings are multiple noncaseating epithelioid granulomas, with little or no necrosis, occurring commonly in mediastinal and peripheral lymph nodes, lungs, liver, eyes, and skin and less often in the spleen, bones, joints, skeletal muscle, heart, and central nervous system. These granulomas may resolve completely or proceed to fibrosisgranulomas”. Big medical words. I learned that the symptoms depended upon where those granulomas appeared. The lung findings made sense with my shortness of breath and dry cough and my lack of usual energy. My eyes, thank God, were not affected. Not much known of the disorder and its causes and not much treatment available either. It sometimes goes away on its own after a few years, and sometimes it becomes chronic. No way of telling ahead of time. After gathering as much information as I could, I let it sink in as I thought about it for a few days.
Slowly but surely a different attitude started to emerge. After all, this was a chronic condition with some chance for remission, not a fatal disorder in most cases. I can handle it. There was even a chance for the condition to completely clear! I became determined to be one of those in the statistics who overcame the disorder. Then, it suddenly dawned at me: I am a social worker, a psychotherapist who for years has been using imagery for healing others. So many times I witnessed major improvement in clients’ situations, be it physical or emotional, after a few sessions of Interactive Guided Imagerysm. How could I forget? It was time I called upon those skills, this time, to heal myself!
I decided to devote up to an hour each morning or evening to healing imagery. First, I asked myself how I would describe in simple words what was the main thing about Sarcoidosis: “a disorder in which the immune system fights back, all right, but does not properly get rid of the casualties, which then accumulate in various organs (granulomas)”. Simplistic, no doubt, but I believe that was when I started to heal. Following the guidelines of Interactive Guided Imagerysm, I let an image form of those “accumulations”. To my surprise, in my imagination they showed up as weeds in my garden. I immediately imaged myself weeding them out. I worked diligently day after day, morning or evening and sometimes both. In a state of relaxation and calm, I would let that image form and take a life of its own. Sometimes I saw myself cleaning the garden of debris. Most of the time I saw myself removing the unwanted weeds, removing dead and dried flowers, watering the pretty and fresh flowerbeds, cutting the grass, and even enjoying a light breeze as I sat down to rest a bit. Sometimes I saw myself working there by myself. At other times I “invited” beloved friends and relatives to help me weed out all that was unwanted, unnecessary. We were all working hard, but having lots of fun nonetheless, laughing a lot.
One morning, as I was indulging in the new colors that this special garden of mine started showing, I imaged big but soft waves of white light coming over the garden and the house for the first time. There was something very pure about the light, and I sensed it was there for cleansing. I welcomed it into my garden, my house and my life. As I imaged myself dialoguing in an unspoken way with this light, I committed to keeping my garden clear of debris and wild weeds from now on. I smiled to myself, I was utterly enjoying these imaging techniques, even if they did nothing but help me remain calm in the midst of all the tests and worries.
The lung doctor who saw my x-rays and Gallium test results about two months later looked surprised. He had also run the enzyme test again, and it came back normal. It has been about two months since he had last seen me. “I know that Sarcoidosis can resolve on its own” he said “and it does seem to be in remission according to your results, although I have never seen it happen this fast!” I asked, “Doctor, are you saying it is going away?” In my mind, I was already holding the image of my garden, cleared, cleaned, tended to and in full vibrant bloom. “Yes, it seems so,” he replied, “ Of course, we will continue the follow up, but I am withdrawing the cortisone treatment idea.” The ophthalmologist who saw me next said my eyes were still unaffected. The dermatologist was last, and he said I no longer showed signs of sarcoidosis involving the skin, and that he was in fact going to change the diagnosis line from “Sarcoidosis” to “ Sarcoidosis resolved.”
As I held my garden’s image in my mind, I saw all the friends and relatives who had helped me standing there and waving, smiling. Funny bunch I have in my head…
Clearing the weeds was not only in my mind’s images. I found myself, in the next months, clearing debris and unwanted weeds in many other ways. I suddenly felt very strongly about certain people – either I really wanted their presence in my life or not. I started sorting out my clothes, books, dishes – anything that did not fit that inner feeling of my weeded garden was given or thrown away. I cleared my home of memorabilia that I realized were reminding me of things I did not want to remember or that no longer meant the same for me. I cleared my bookshelves of books I never read twice to make room for new exciting ones. I became clearer as to which jobs I was accepting. Everything I looked at in the material world seemed, like my imaged garden, more vibrant and bold in color.
I cannot prove scientifically that the imagery I practiced had anything to do with resolving the Sarcoidosis. Maybe at the time I discovered that I had the disorder it was already on its last stage in the course of running itself out. Maybe I was meant to be of the positive statistics of those whose disorder goes away on its own without them even noticing. But I have no doubt that my imaging practice, along with the attitude it carried into my real life, has been a healing vehicle. Healing in the sense of regaining my wholesome self, and healing in the sense of going inwards and centering myself. All of this has without a doubt contributed to my physical well-being.
Some will say that by accumulating things in my life, that were not properly discarded when I needed to, I brought on the disorder upon myself. I would say, that at the same time, Sarcoidosis brought with it lessons which showed me the wisdom of what I needed to do in order to heal, both physically and spiritually. It showed me my weakness and pointed to the way for me to keep strong. The process of weeding out the unnecessary in my life continues to this day. I still bring up the garden image once in a while to check on it and make sure I remove anything I find there that might shadow its beauty.
Fania Chazen, MSW, is a clinical social worker and has worked
in a typical family services clinic and a major burn unit in a medical center,
both in New Jersey, USA, and a youth rehabilitation center for addicted
teenagers in Israel. In both individual and group sessions in these settings
and in private practice she has always found guided imagery, and in particular
Interactive Guided Imagery sm, to be a powerful tool in helping her clients
find their inner strengths and heal. She is certified in Hypnosis and The
Aurand method for Healing and has lectured on these subjects both in the New
York and New Jersey area and in Israel.
Currently, Mrs.Chazen lives with her husband and three children in
Israel where she is “birthing” her new Whole Heart Center (Merkaz Lev Shalem) for coping with pain and loss. One of her passions is teaching children about the power of their imagination, and she
is teaching a guided imagery class at Keshet Elementary School in Zichron
Yaakov, Israel. She can be reached at uplift@013.net.il